Living or Pancakes?

Here we go again with the deep depression that fixed itself on me like an angry wolverine (animal not X-Man).  This unshakable pain and remorse of everything in the world leads me to a dark place of despair and anguish.  The intense feeling of loneliness and shame coupled with the horror of the world around me, only fuels my hope in nothing.  This is the deepest form of depression – loss of hope.

I have lost all hope and my cares for this world are erasing before my eyes.  When this kind of scrupulous terror besets me.  It carries me to a point of total agony and longing for the world to abruptly end – or at least mine.  Perhaps a fiery car wreck, random gunman, accidental chlorine overdose, or choking on popcorn. All these viable options are solutions to the despair of living in this body.  Sadly, that only would get me deeper in the hole right at the point of death.

The cause of this pain is the very sin itself.  This beating taskmaster keeps haunting me all around.  It is in me, out of me, around me, below, through, above, over, under (and any other preposition you like).  This terrorizing slave owner has me by the throat and commands my obedience.  The world’s irreversible infection of sin disease causes my body, soul, mind, and self to fall and fail with all the filth in which I swim daily.  This world is so broken, there is no where to turn.

If I go out – pain.  If I stay in – horror.  If I talk – arrogance.  If I stay silent – pride.  IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE TO ESCAPE.  So here comes the sadness.

The final point of the spiral of depression comes with the eyes lifted hoping that in that moment of head-tilting, I will see the clouds and sky tear apart and see the Lord come to make all things new.  I am so tired, worried, anxious, and desperate.  So I anticipate the creator of all to come and destroy this world along with my body of corruption.

This terrible plunge deep into pain causes me to hope and trust in the Lord, and believe that one day (hopefully soon) he will come and make all things new.

Revelation 21.1-5

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”

So here is my problem.  I continue to forget the important things of life.  Simply put, I am acting continuously as though each person in my life is some piece of cleverly constructed scenery in the story of my life-motion-picture starring ME.

This messed-up way of looking at things leads me into dark, dark sin.  Even when trying to shake off the pride of thinking so highly of myself, it manifests itself in self-worship as I think somehow I have some supernatural messiah complex with thought of ‘Where would the world be without me?’

My only hope is to feast my eyes on the one to whom all glory is due.  My focus on ridding myself of sin, only leads me to focus all the more on myself, when the Lord demands I turn my hearts fixation on his cross and my ear’s attention to his gospel.  It is there, when my mind is one with the bloody cross of Christ and the beautiful reality of his resurrection, where I can finally feel the warmth of insignificance.  Insignificant in self, and mighty in Christ. He doesn’t ask us to fix ourselves, but to rest in him.

Ephesians 1.7 – In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace.

So here is my confession to you all.  I am a prideful sinner, who needs to examine the cross daily, fixing my eyes on it, and the Lamb slain.  It is then that I can understand my place in the world, and for whom the world was made.

I have been reading through the book ‘A Short History of Nearly Everything’ by Bill Bryson, and as he begins to talk through the vastness of the universe, I am still brought back to Hebrews 1.3

He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.

Jesus is the image of the invisible God and through his word of power upholds all things.  The atoms that fly in particle excelerators, cosmic solar radiation, your eye lashes, and swine flu virus are all working in concert by his word that issues the universe’s marching orders.  That same Jesus is so way up there in vastness of power and authority that he rules over the visible and the invisible, over the physical and the spiritual

When I place my hope in him and nothing else, having a full rich vision of who he really is, I am able to see why the Lord Jesus says, ‘In this world, you will have great troubles, but take courage, I have overcome the world’.  He certainly has, because it is his dictatorial rule that governs it all and at the sound of his word, light and matter manifest into existence, for the glory of his name.  This king of supreme authority, is the one who beckons lowly sinners like me to new life and redemption with God the Father.  How sweet and beautiful is the Lord Jesus!

Isaiah 55.1-2

Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food.

Isaiah is saying something amazing here that can be later referenced to Jesus in John 4 and 6.  Jesus told a Samaritan woman that he was the source of living water, and to the disciples in John 6 he said he is the bread of life.  When we have the opportunity to sink our teeth into the richness of delight in him, we will not be disappointed.  The problem that I have is exactly what is shown in verse 2.  I alway spend my life (you could say waste my life) on everything that does not satisfy.  I adulterously chase everything, but the Lord, knowing that he is the greatest taste my soul will know.

The worst of it is exactly what Isaiah says, I am the one spending the money on it.  It’s not that I happen to come across things that are not as satisfying as the Lord, it is far worse.  I haplessly pursue the other dissatisfying, soul-robbing trinkets, and then pay for them.  I pay with time, attention, dedication, allegiance, and yes, money.  I throw my affections at these grotesque nothings, only to be left unsatisfied.  The hymn is correct -

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in his wonderful face

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of his glory and grace

-H. Lemmel

Psalm 34.8

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!

The Lord of all things is sweet to the taste.  The only way you can taste something is through a relational proximity that is so intimate, that the object is ingested into your own person.  The goodness of the Lord and his delightful presence can only be known through an intimate relationship.  Our hearts may burn to know and savor his beauty or revel in his majesty, but only when we have intimacy with him will we experience that greatness.  Taste and see that the Lord is good, can be summed up by saying, get intimately involved with the person of God and you will be delighted with his presence.

Where is he?  How can I see him?  Where can I hear him?  I feel at a loss with these questions, and I feel helpless to see and taste all that he is.  I fight to remind myself that he has made his ultimate revelation in Jesus.  Jesus is the presence of God.  His name is Immanuel, because he is God with us.  Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good, leads me to gaze in the face of Jesus – the one within whom we live and move and breathe.

Ephesians 5.32

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Now the thing about this verse is simply, that our relationship to Christ is the message to which marriage is suppose to point.  Marriage is a learning tool to see what the union the church has with Christ, and I just don’t do that.

My wife and I listened to a romantic song that came over the air waves that was sung at our wedding, and little tingles, emotions, and compelling love envelopes me for that woman.  I love my wife dearly.  So much so, that I am glad to repeat my vows to her often, ‘You and you alone forever’.  Until my body is dust, my heart is hers and hers alone.

I don’t do that with the Lord.  He is my eternal bridegroom and our union with him is the most beautiful relationship.  And knowing all that, I don’t take time to look him square in the eyes and say, ‘My heart is yours only’.  Why don’t I do that more often?  Why don’t I call out and declare my allegiance to the Lord who has ransomed me?  See this as my confession to you, the confession of a neglectful bride.

Colossians 1.18 – And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.

He is the most magnificent ruler we could hope for. His excellence permeates all of reality, and he is our head, our supreme Lord and sovereign king. He is the head of his church. He has ransomed us as his church and picks us up out of our squirming state of destitution and says. ‘Live’. The means by which he resurrects us and brings life into our dead hearts, is through his cross and resurrection. This anointed king of all things, is our head, and we are his people. Let us praise his name and tell of his greatness. Let one conclusion be reached, when the world observes us – Christ must be great.

Mark 1.4 – 8

John appeared, baptizing in the wilderness and proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. And all the country of Judea and all Jerusalem were going out to him and were being baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins. Now John was clothed with camel’s hair and wore a leather belt around his waist and ate locusts and wild honey. And he preached, saying, “After me comes he who is mightier than I, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

Jesus came with the Holy Spirit.  The great sign that the Lord was bringing the kingdom to men would be that the spirit would come.  In the Old Testament, the prophets told of the Day of the Lord when his spirit would be poured out on all flesh.  The baptizing of the holy spirit that John is talking about, is the inauguration of the kingdom of God and its king.  Jesus has come to deliver God to men.  The words in Revelation 21 are profoundly obvious in this text as well, God has come to dwell among men.  He has brought the kingdom, he has become their king – King Jesus.

John’s announcement is that there is a rightful king of all men, and that no one, not even a great prophet/preacher can trump the king and his kingdom.  I am encouraged and terrified by this.  Do I announce that Jesus is the world’s king?  Do I say, “I am mighty and Jesus is not” ?  Do I say with my actions that I am the one who is mighty, then relegate Christ to second-citizen status in the kingdom of God?

John recognized his position in the kingdom – proclaiming the king and kingdom.  Pray that we would understand our position is the same as John’s.  We are here to point to one mightier than ourselves and he is the one true king who has brought the kingdom of God to the world.